Monday 7 December 2015

Hobby depression, wargaming, larp and rpg

I wrote this long post a month ago, but never published it, I have calmed down a lot since it's conception, but I have decided to publish it all the same.

I have been in a bit of a hobby funk recently, many factors have contributed to it. So many over such a long period that it has taken me a while to process it. In order to process it better I hope that by writing it into a coherent post will help me organise my thoughts.

My hobbys all overlap, so what affects one can bleed into the rest.

What I consider my hobbys are LARP, wargaming, Rpg's, painting and reading.

LARP
When my daughter was born, I made the decision to stop larping for while, 6 month was the estimate. That came and went and I didn't rush to get back. Months later we found out our son was coming, so returning got pushed back further.
You see, I work 5 and a half days a week, so the weekends are the majority of time I get to spend with the kids. I do not regret this decision, I have cherished all the time I have spent with them. So I hadn't been back in 3 years. 
That changed this year I have been back twice, once to help a friend out and the second time because I saw the opportunity to end a personal story line of mine. It was Epic and I am glad I did it. It has left me with some keen to return. But I am still apprehensive about missing my time with the kids.

War gaming.
I got back into wargaming (after a long hiatus) just before my daughter was born, knowing that I was going to be away from LARP for a while I was looking for something, my partner and I could do together at home and something for the evenings (games and painting). It was round this time I stopped PC gaming as it was taking all my attention and I wanted to direct it to my kids.
It went well for a while, but it was clear my partner didn't enjoy it as much as I did and so she put it on the self. where it pretty much remains to this day (3 years later).
I continued, as I had friends who played and I was able to get in a game once a month or so with different people. And I found painting to be rewarding and relaxing. Even in the short hour or two I get free of an evening is enough to give me my fix. I might not be quick but over the 3 years I have amassed a reasonable sized Skaven force with only a few bits left to be painted.

And then Age of sigmar hit.

Now let me be clear I like AoS. It's fun and as long as both players consider their opponents enjoyment it can be a balanced and challenging game.

But apart from one good friend no one else seems very interested in it. So getting games in has become harder and the number of opponent fewer. What should have reinvigorated the hobby has left it a deserted wasteland.

So what are the options? Well I could look into joining the local wargaming club. But even before AOS they didn't play many WHFB games, and I guess (i haven't found out yet) that they at even less now.

I'd like to find a game I can use my Skaven army for. So my options for this are -
8th edition WHFB - I have a couple of friends who are still playing ,but for myself I have had enough of 8th it was fun but I have become tired of it's faults and I am ready to move on, especially as I don't want to play a game that has no support (company or community-based).
Kings of War - I'd be very interested in trying this out, I have alreaxy given it a look over. Unfortunately I know of no one else who plays it and only one friend who is willing to try.
9th Age fantasy battle - I'd love to try this out the community support for this project is huge, but locally I know no one who is even aware of it.
Age of Sigmar - I love this game it can be a lot of fun. But with very few people willing to try it, I am forced to look at other options if I am to get regular games.

So without a clear option there, I have looked at other systems that are not warhammer derived. These seem to be more popular at local clubs. Games like Malifaux and Warmachine/hordes. I am a little reluctant to get invested in another game when I am well invested in my current army.

I feel I should mention it briefly, I have no interest in 40k. And I have a few ships for X-wing, but a occasional friendly game is all I want from it.

I like the fantasy genre. I don't mind when the game mixes in some black powder/steam punk/alchemy. But straight up sci-fi does not push my buttons.

So what I want is. a game I can play fairly regularly. This might mean venturing out to a local club and adopting their popular game of choice. Might be a problem as the local wargaming club lost their venue recently.

While on the subject !damn it GW! We wanted an improved 8th, AoS has split a small community into even smaller groups. So much so that even we who like AoS are having to look elsewhere to get some games of anything in.

RPG's
The question I have asked myself recently is......

Am I playing these games, so I can role play or so I can play a game?

I seem to have lost my way recently and have not been enjoying the current campaign we was playing. This turned into negativity has infected the rest of the group. And so we have now stopped playing for a while. This saddens me as I have enjoyed playing RPG for many years but a combination of things have, conspired to this negativity.

Solutions:- I have considered finding a new group, I know where I could find one if I wanted to. But I am reluctant to make the jump as it would mean leaving the kids for an evening. Where as my last group came to my place.
Maybe a new game system would help, but a new system would not improved the role play opportunity's with the current group.
Maybe I could take a swing at GM'ing, something i have not done before. To get me started I have been looking into a boxed campaign. Like Iron kingdom: Unleashed box game, or Dungeon Saga: Dwarf kings quest or even the humble D&D box game that I already own. These would give me a pre made game to run.
Of course there are always other worlds to explore, Modern ones like Dead reign or World of Darkness. Or Sci-fi like Rougue trader or RM 3000.
But echoing my earlier feelings, I like fanstay games for the most part and I am not as interested in a modern/horror or sci-fi campaign/system.

Now we have thrown up a wall of text only the most die hard readers will stick with me to read the rant I have on why I stopped enjoying my last group/campaign.

It started innocently enough, we were play testing a friend's system. He had written the core, we would discuss the mechanics sugggest improvements and for a long time they where taken on board, he would suggest something was to strong and we would discuss limits.
But at some point for the owner of the system it became to personal. When we suggested improvements it was seen as an attack on his system. And instead of asking us to place limits on it he would, nerf things without opening to the players to find a limiting factor. So we stopped offering criticism as it put him on the defensive.
So I had lost a lot of the fun half way through the campaign we was playing. I was ready to quit around then. The others seemed to be enjoying it, but I had lost the love.
And then it stopped, the campaign was put on pause, so we could start a new campaign, I was past caring but I know the others where upset that the game they was enjoying was stopped.
We started a new campaign I hoped it might re:invigorate my enjoyment, but early on I asked about the accuracy mechanic and was flat told we was using it, no explanation. This new starter campaign was supposed to be simpler to ease in a newer player. And a few tweaks had changed the system dramatically, but he was set he had got the balance right and would hear no discussion. And then the first death happened early on, and the member got back up fully healed, there was a story reason for this of course, but it quickly became apparent that dying was not an easy thing to achieve (believe me  we tried). I could not help but think the kiddy gloves were on to help the new player.
And she was very new, never having played a Rpg before (tabletop or vid game). So she was loot eagar (forgivable) but painful to watch but what bothered me more was watching the extra dice rolls when the result was bad and no one was watching. Well I was watching and I did see. But she had a relationship with the GM so i left it to him to sort out. But now I'm watching for it, but when he did catch her extra rolls it was quiet, and glossed over quickly. I can't decide if he didn't want to embarrasses her or if he was embarrassed she was doing it. But I was watching subtly now, and so when I hear him allowing her an extra major action (climb attempt) I was pissed. As I had already seen him suggest OC knowledge to help her (which herb). What was the point in playing a game where there is no risk, it takes some of the fun of the game out of it. And as it had descended into let's do stupid shit mechanic fest (role play was not rewarded nor encouraged) I lost interest. And clearly it was plain to see. As after that the game was cancelled.

So now I am left with out a Rpg group. And I am miserable with nothing to break the monotony of tv every evening. I hate watching TV every night, (once in a while is ok) but I don't play computer games anymore, I have no one to play war games against often, I have no to group to meet with weekly, and I have little reason to paint miniatures, when they won't get used.

So I am in a little hobby funk.



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